Sunday, May 29, 2011

Ask Dr. Wally: Meer-acle Water

Dear Dr. Wally,

I visited our town carnival over the weekend. There was a booth attended by a stunning young woman hawking something called "Meer-acle Water." She said it boosted amino acids and reduced recovery time, all while purging the body of unwanted ions, heavy metals, phosphates, fluoride, and a long list of other chemicals. She seemed very sincere and even showed me the differences between tap water and her product by using some kind of digital meter. Does this stuff work? I don't know, but I'll be getting a case of it every week for the next three years. She sold me on a contract.

Hydrated in Hugo

Wow! That's a lot of water. Are you a fish? I ask because it's very possible you're a sucker.

Now, I fully understand the persuasive power of attractive women. After all, I've been married four times. Or is it five? Regardless, it's impossible for water to be ionized. An ion is a charged molecule and water is a conductor. It would dissipate the charge. We call all these claims by their scientific name - hooey. It's made up. It's imaginary. And it sells like crazy.

Next time you're in Broken Elbow, have some of our miracle water. We're at the top of the watershed, so our water comes from a spring up the hill from town. In the winter, it's 38 degrees right out of the tap - perfect for chilling beer - and in the summer we hardly ever get tadpoles in it since we installed that new filtration system.

Dr. Wally

Next month: Deflecting Amway mind control rays with common household products.

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