Did you ever wonder if we could lure more people into vehicular cycling if we used the same approach as those revival preachers with big hair? Our detractors say there is an element of faith or near evangelism in VC, so why not make it an overt one?
"Friends! I want you to get down on your knees and be thankful that we can still ride our bah-cycles on the roads. I want you to know that there are some who would force us from them, denying us the right to those very streets our taxes build and maintain. And friends, it's time we realized how truly blessed we are to have such a fine road network that let's all of us travel freely - regardless of our mode of transportation."
"Let us turn now to Title 47, chapter 11, part 1202."
"Every person riding a bicycle upon a roadway shall be granted all of the rights and shall be subject to all of the duties applicable to the driver of a vehicle by this act, except as to special regulations in this article and except to those provisions of this act which by their nature can have no application."
"Here ends today's reading. My friends, in our study of the holy writ given to us from on high, we can see what appears to be a contradiction in this passage. It says that a bah-cyclist has ALL the rights and is subject to ALL the duties of any other vehicle driver. Yes, we know this means a bah-cyclist will have to stop at stop signs and red lights, just like any other driver. And of course we know that it means we drive on the right side of the street like everyone else. But what happens when we encounter a locality with a mandatory sidepath law? We're legally obligated to ride on it regardless of its safety or suitability for bah-cycle travel. This isn't conferring 'all the rights of other drivers.' It's better defined as anti-bah-cycling discrimination - a 'separate but equal' bit of hypocrisy that applies only to our two-wheeled bretheren. Imagine a town cop stopping a motorist for driving on a surface street when there's a perfectly usable interstate highway nearby and you begin to understand the absurdity."
"Now, in a moment, our ushers will begin passing the collection plate. But before they do that, I want to urge all of you to remember that this effort doesn't run on goodwill alone. No, it takes real money, folding money, hard currency to fight the oppression we encounter every day, so please be generous. And if we find out who put the used axle spacers and worn out Campy bearing races in the collection plate last week, well, I want to have a chat with you after the service."
It just might work!